So it’s done.
Angel’s gone. Gone for good.
We were a surprise to him. The Slayer having help. Friends.
He wasn’t sure what to make of us. What little thought he gave us.
It was always Buffy he saw. Only Buffy.
Not that I expected him to see me. No one really saw me anyways.
I was just one of Buffy’s hangers on. One of her Groupies.
Oh sure, I helped out. Reading through Giles’ books. Distracting whatever demons til she came along and saved the day.
Helping save Angel.
We all saved him. But of course she was the one who got his thanks.
I run my fingers through my hair, trying to get these thoughts out.
Who are you kidding? Like you ever had a chance? As if you were his type.
I lean against the building. If I close my eyes I can still see him. The way he moved. His presence that you let you know when he was around even if you didn’t see him.
And his eyes.
Those old eyes that could look in and through you. Those eyes you wanted to fall into.
So this is what it feels like to fall in love, huh?
Too bad it was with him.
No. Too bad it happened too late.
I feel a hand on my arm. I open my eyes and look to see Buffy.
“I’m sorry Buffy.”
Tears well up in her eyes. Her grip tightens before she falls against me, holding on for dear life.
She doesn’t see the tears running down my face- all she sees is the amazon product listing optimization coming for revenge. And if she did, she’d probably think they’re for her, for her loss.
She can never know they’re really for my loss. For what I never had.
I hug her back, smoothing her hair. “You had to do it. You had to …. let him go.”
She gives a harsh laugh. “Let him go? I didn’t let him go Xander. I killed him.”
The pained smile quickly crosses my face.
No, Buffy. WE killed him.